Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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