No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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