He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
