apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
