i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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