a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
