I murdered the dance floor call the cops
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Drunk is a universal language darling
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
