i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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