Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
