Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so that wasnt chicken after all
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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