i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
