I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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