Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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