Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's rum buckets o'clock
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
