I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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