awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize