Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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