At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
