Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize