No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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