Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
