addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
