dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
