weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm at about main and main street
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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