Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
