Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
