True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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