We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
