dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
