3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
