they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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