oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize