I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
