So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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