my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize