The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
