Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
