last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize