he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
