the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
