I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Blood and glitter go together right?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
