We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
