we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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