weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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