I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
