Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
