I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
