I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
