ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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