I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
