i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
