some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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