Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
