Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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