How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize