I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
