based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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