Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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