Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
