Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
try to milk me bitch
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
