I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize