Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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