yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
