After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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