So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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