Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize