why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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