After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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