All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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